Season's Change

It has been 2 months since I last posted on here and there is a good reason for that. Once again in this very long and painful year, my world is turned upside down again. Will and I have separated. I am currently living in New York with the kids and trying to make a go of a life up here. So far so good in my opinion. I don't know what is going to happen next or where I go from here but I know that I have a lot of friends that are supporting me through this and I know that I made the best choice for me and the kids. I will be better at keeping up with this. The name may change at some point or i may start a whole new blog all together. Time will tell on that one. For now, here is hoping that 2009 will end on a high note and I pray that 2010 will be a hell of a lot less painful then this one has been. On a side note, I do want to thank the people who have given me nothing but their friendship and love on this adventure. You know who you are!

Remembered History

Today was a day for reflection (lack of a better word). Today is my mom's birthday and Saturday will mark the 8th month of her passing. So I thought I would share some of the wonderful things I remember of my short time with my mommy. We had this inside joke that I miss terribly. Ever since I was a teenager I would tell her I was "tired, cranky, and didn't feel good" to get out of school. After I became an adult I would call her an announce myself that way so she would know I needed a bitch fest. It got to where she would answer the phone saying "let me guess, you are tired, cranky, and don't feel good" with a laugh in her voice.

I remember her helping me deliver my girls. My itty bitty mom trying like hell to hold one of my mammoth legs. I almost pushed her out of the window of the hospital with Lauren. And she was gracious enough not to bring up the fact that I covered her in after birth. With Aileen, she was there the whole time and didn't get to nap. I went into labor at 10pm and had Aileen at 6am and she was right there the whole time.

When we lived in Colorado we would take road trips in out little Suzuki and Stewart and I would make up lyrics to songs and it would crack her up. She would take us to all of these beautiful places especially in the fall (her favorite time of year) to see the leaves changing.

I miss my mom. I miss her everyday. Today she would have been 58. She was taken from us way to soon. So I am tired, cranky, and don't feel good Ma, can I take my toys and come home?

Is it against the law for a 12 year old to have a job?

I hope not. LOL. She had her first shift as a Junior Volunteer at the SPCA today. On her first day she was the only one to asked to stay late and she loved it. She gave me a complete tour of the facility and was showing me her favorites. She also baby-sits once a week for a sweet wonderfully adorable autistic girl down the street. Toss in managing the football team this term, playing basketball next, the one act play, followed by forensics, I am wondering if we are going to see her at all this year! Now if I could just get her to do here chores done right, I would be content to deal with the occasional smart mouth.

Grrrrrr!

OK I am so tired I can't even see straight and I won't be able to sleep until 8 tonight so the EEG and the MRI better find something because I don't want to do this again. Geek squad was supposed to come out this morning to fix the TV and they ordered the wrong part so now we won't have the TV until Saturday at the earliest. Never ask yourself "What else can go wrong?" Because something else will go wrong. LOL Will is taking the Petty Officer First Class exam this morning. We know that he won't advance of this first exam but please pray that he at least passes the test :0)

How much longer?

Please read and understand that this is just part of what my family goes through everyday. Ask my how you can help by the 9-9-09 campaign to the president, CDC, and the media. Also while you are reading this, you will notice that it jumps all over the place. It is like a conversation with an autistic child. If that child is verbal.

HOW MUCH LONGER?

WE WOKE UP TODAY

unsure of which issue to tackle first.

SHOULD WE WORK TO PAY FOR OUR TEENAGERS’ DIAPERS TODAY?

SHOULD WE GO AFTER FEDERAL LAWS

OR SHOULD WE IGNORE THE HEALTH OFFICIALS WHO SAY

OR WORRY ABOUT WHERE MILLIONS OF DISABLED ADULTS WILL LIVE

SHOULD WE SHOUT AT THE TOP OF OUR LUNGS TODAY THAT

should we try to prevent the next seizure today?

or work to keep more children from wandering off

AND DROWNING IN A LAKE?

after their parents are dead & gone?

PUNCHED, SUFFOCATED, OR LOCKED IN ROOMS AT SCHOOL?

GOOD MORNING.

TO PROTECT OUR CHILDREN FROM BEING

IT’S ALL JUST A BIG

coincidence?

or should we allow the harmful restraint & seclusion to continue?

REGRESSION FOLLOWING VACCINATIONS?

should we ignore the thousands of stories of

about the next child who will regress from

AUTISM IS TREATABLE &

OR SIMPLY NOD ALONG WITH THE MAINSTREAM DOCTORS WHO SAY WE’RE WRONG?

an over-the-top vaccination schedule?

SHOULD WE RAISE HELL TODAY

THEN AGAIN, SKYROCKETING DIVORCE RATES IN THE AUTISM COMMUNITY REALLY NEED OUR ATTENTION

OR SHOULD WE JUST LET IT HAPPEN?

or the ones who can’t stop hitting themselves? or the ones who don’t ever sleep?

SCREAM

should we worry about the children who will have violent meltdowns today?

or should we help the mother who is threatening suicide on this day?

better yet, maybe we should help the families who are bankrupt because

ALONG WITH THE FACT THAT “AUTISM” IS JUST A WORD

OR FIGHT FOR OUR CHILDREN’S THERAPY?

OR FIGHT FOR OUR CHILDREN’S RIGHTS?

OR FIGHT TO GET THEM

should we show up in washington today to yell about theZEROanswers our children have received from the billions spent on genetic research?

OR SHOULD WE WORK TO STOP THE NUMBERS THAT ARE NOW AT

GOODNIGHT.

SHOULD WE FALSELY AGREE THAT THE RISE IN RATES IS ONLY DUE TO BETTER DIAGNOSIS,WHEN WE KNOW

our kids weren’t smearing poop

30 years ago & banging their heads 30 years ago & flapping

ONLY TO GO UNNOTICED?

OR SHOULD WE WORRY TODAY ABOUT HOW THE AUTISM COMMUNITY IS OVERWHELMED &

underresourced

SHOULD WE JUST THINK ABOUT GOING TO BED TONIGHT

WE’LL WAKE UP TOMORROW TO FIND THAT SOMEONE FINALLY

A NATIONAL HEALTH CRISIS

A NATIONAL EMERGENCY

& THAT FINALLY SOMEONE IS SAYING ENOUGH IS ENOUGH,

or pay for the funeral of the father who committed suicide yesterday?

SOME GUY CAME UP WITH 70 YEARS AGO

TO DESCRIBE A NEW, RARE MENTAL CONDITION THAT WE’RE FINDING IS ACTUALLY MORE

ENVIRONMENTAL. so, should we fight to reclassify this whole-body condition today?

OUT OF THIS HELL?

& unable to point to an object 30 years ago & unable

bathe & wipe & feed themselves & stay safe 30 years ago

AND HOW THE SWINE FLU’S NONEXISTENT PANDEMIC IS RECEIVING OVERREACTION & “FAST TRACKED” FOCUS

while autism’s already-existent epidemic gets slow-tracked solutions and profound underreaction?

OR PRESIDENT OBAMA

HOPING TO GOD

IS DECLARING AUTISM

let’s get some answers, let’s give some aid

or should we just let every American eventually find out for themselves how bad it really is?

OR FIGHT FOR OUR CHILDREN’S CURE?

or the ones who can’t point to what hurts, so all they can do is

OR FIGHT FOR OUR CHILDREN’S EDUCATION?

BEFORE IT’S 1 IN 20 CHILDREN?

HOW MUCH LONGER, PRESIDENT OBAMA, DO WE HAVE BEFORE THE HOPE FOR AMERICA’S CHILDREN FADES COMPLETELY?

LET’S FIGURE THIS OUT

their hands 30 years ago & unable to speak 30 years ago

A NATIONAL EPIDEMIC?

1 IN 100 CHILDREN?

AUTISM IS PREVENTABLE

HEALTH INSURANCE DOESN’T COVER AUTISM?

HOW MUCH LONGER, PRESIDENT OBAMA,WILL WE WAKE UP OVERWHELMED BY WHICH ISSUE TO TACKLE FIRST?

KEEP ASKING HOW MUCH LONGER. VISIT NATIONALAUTISM.ORG.

Silance

It is almost 130 in the morning and this seems to be the only time for quite. The lamp in the projection TV went out today. This shall make life interesting since the boys will not get the TV back until Friday at the earliest. I have become the master of disaster. Maybe I should work for FEMA. I was the one who figured out the code of the blinking LED light that told us what was wrong with the TV, then I ran to Best Buy to see if they can fix it (it is still under warranty) and they referred me to Geek Squad who can't get here for 48 hours. Well no one is going to be here Thursday so we had to go with Friday. Today was a good, stressful, typical day for me. It took me 17 minutes to take my Algebra exam and I aced it, English class Ryleigh and I caused our usual havoc, and my French teacher was very complementary to my pronunciation. Then I picked up Aileen, Aiden, and Lauren to BJ's (Sam's club type place that takes coupon). The total was$650 before coupons. Final total $565! Then it was off for haircuts and getting that perfect first day outfit and shoes to match (I really need to get it through Aileen that at 5'8 she does not need stilettos or anything higher then a half inch. When we got home we grabbed Will, Ryleigh and Fletcher and went to Olive Garden for dinner. I can not tell you how well behaved my boys were. We do not go out often with all of them because Fletcher and Aiden have negative behaviors that disrupt other people and no matter how hard you try to explain, people still get mean and rude with us. Not tonight, they were perfect. Fletcher didn't throw a single thing or scream once. Aiden sat very patiently waiting on more bread sticks. The girls had awesome manners. I was dreading it and ended up so wonderfully pleasantly surprised.

Tomorrow is a short day for school but I still have a million of errands to run and housework and homework to do. Aiden starts back at River's Bend Academy tomorrow. He is excited and I am as well! I am getting incredibly tired so it is off to bed I go! Night all!

Tubes, Pot, and other weird going ons....

My MRI and EEG are scheduled for Thursday afternoon. I am only allowed to sleep 4 hours Wednesday night and I am allowed no caffeine after 9pm on Wednesday night. Um that one is not going to be easy for me. Hi, my name is Morgan and I am a caffeine addict. Then I went to get my eyes checked because it has been 2 years and I was informed I have the early stages of glaucoma. That is where the pot comes in. After reviewing all of the treatments, I would rather smoke pot then have wires put thru my lids or holes drilled in my iris to relieve the pressure. I wonder if the navy will go for this,. I mean it is in the American Journal of Medicine as a legitimate and less likely risk of blindness then the other treatments. It is par for the course so I am taking things one disaster at a time so that I can manage without being on a 72 hour hold.

Aileen is now a junior volunteer at the SPCA. She starts next Saturday and is very disappointed that she won't be with the really cute guy she meet. Let the games begin.

Things have been rough for Will and I. For now I will leave it at that. It is not easy to do everything we do and it is taking its toll. I think that is all for now, I will try to get some new pics of the monsters to share! Have a great Sunday!