Dear Me,

Well you have finally heard from your darling husband and he is thrilled with the prospect of another bundle of joy. Scared shitless but thrilled. And you just loved it when he told you that he tried to become an amputee by screwing around. Yep, he tried to remove a finger while seeing who could pick him up. You are SO proud of him! This is the America's defenses, if you aren't nervous you should be. No you really are proud of him and the job he does but why must he rub certain things in. For example, he commented numerous times today that he is out of reading material. Do you beat him now or let the rage build for 3 weeks? You lean towards the latter. You are lucky to have time to shower and eat a hot meal and he is bitching about reading material. Oh well. You are thinking that when he comes home you are going for a spa retreat. And not taking your phone. Evil you are, pure evil!
Love,
Yourself

PS the picture is in reference to yourself not your darling husband.