I can not tell a lie

I have to be honest, life freaking sucks right now. I repeatedly have to tell myself that I can not call or e mail my mom. I realize that we are approaching 2 months since her passing but to me it was days ago. Maybe because we still don't have any answers to why she passed away so young, maybe because I have yet to truly grieve. I am restarting therapy and I talk to a shrink every 2 to 3 months. I am letting school go for now and taking time to heal. I think that is best for all in my life. I miss my mom so much. I know that I told her that every time that I talked to her and that I loved her. God this hurts!