How do I live

Today is a bad day for me. I miss my mother so much. We have learned this week that Aiden qualifies for and aid and disability benefits, both which will lift such burdens off of us. I tried to call my mom. I don't know that I can do this. i don't know if I can live my life where I can't call my mom in good times and in bad. I and Irv were the only ones who viewed her body and yet it still isn't real to me. I miss her so much that I feel hallow and empty., I am drinking alcohol more (which is not normal for me), I have a hard time forcing myself out of bed, and I have been debating dropping school for the rest of the term. I do see a shrink and a therapist both of who tell me that this will be a long painful process but I honestly don't think that I can get through this with my sanity intact. It is the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak.

I did want to share some pictures that my wonderful Gin took while at my mom's memorial. She would have loved these. Thank you Gin. I would not have made it with the sanity I do have without you and Bex. I love you both so much!