Friday, March 13, 2009

How do I live





























Today is a bad day for me. I miss my mother so much. We have learned this week that Aiden qualifies for and aid and disability benefits, both which will lift such burdens off of us. I tried to call my mom. I don't know that I can do this. i don't know if I can live my life where I can't call my mom in good times and in bad. I and Irv were the only ones who viewed her body and yet it still isn't real to me. I miss her so much that I feel hallow and empty., I am drinking alcohol more (which is not normal for me), I have a hard time forcing myself out of bed, and I have been debating dropping school for the rest of the term. I do see a shrink and a therapist both of who tell me that this will be a long painful process but I honestly don't think that I can get through this with my sanity intact. It is the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak.

I did want to share some pictures that my wonderful Gin took while at my mom's memorial. She would have loved these. Thank you Gin. I would not have made it with the sanity I do have without you and Bex. I love you both so much!

5 Comments:

Blogger Mama of 4 Blessings said...

Morgan, your mom would want you to carry on with your life for those beautiful children of yours. Don't sink into that bad place, make her proud of how strong we all know you are. Look at everything you have been through in life. You can do this. I know it's tough for you and we would all take that pain away if we could.
The last thing your mom said to me in the email she sent was that she was glad we were back in touch. She hopes we stay that way. I do as well. I am here if you need to talk okay? Hugs Morgie

12:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

:( feel the ::hug::
I'm glad you like the photos. I don't know what to say ... I wish I was better at this stuff. I love you, we all love you and I couldn't even imagine being in your shoes.

12:26 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

I read Gin's blog, and I just wanted to say I'm sorry for your loss...

6:06 PM  
Blogger bek said...

I love you today, tomorrow and the next day and always will. Words can't begin to express how much I care for you all. My best friend is broken and my heart screams to make you better and I know that I can't. Just remember 24x7 you can call me or text me. I will be here for you. Always. No matter what.

5:34 PM  
Blogger Mia said...

I came over from Gin's blog. My heart aches for you. Please consider joing a grief counseling group. Sometimes being around others who've gone what you're going through helps alot. Take a sabbatical from school if need be.

4:41 PM  

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